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Lost Again?

Ruth, Lou, and David fastened seatbelts and settled in my van one afternoon recently. I said, “While you’re at mine and Pop’s house, please tell me if you see my red glasses.”

“Your what?” said David, age 12.

“My glasses. The ones with red frames.”

“You lost them again, Gran?” asked 10-year-old Lou.

“Not lost. Misplaced.”

“The same ones that Elaine (these Grands’ youngest sister) found in the grass in your yard?” asked Ruth, age 8.

“Yes, and someone found them in the creek one time. Was that you, Ruth?” I said.

“Yes, I think I did! On the bottom,” said Ruth.

“Wait,” said David, “you lost them in the grass and the creek? Why don’t you just wear them all the time like Mom does?”

I explained that I need glasses only to see something close. Not to see at a distance. “Don’t you have other glasses?” asked David.

Yes, I have two pairs I bought at the Dollar Store. “So, can’t you just wear them?” I explained that my red-framed glasses are prescription and made with better glass and I can see best with them and I rattled on about how frustrating it is to misplace them.

My Grands didn’t say a word. It was a case of information overload and it wasn’t my Grands’ problem. I wanted responses. “So, will you please look around for my glasses? I really need them,” I said.

Ruth looked out the van window, seemingly lost in thought. “Gran, I have an idea.” She paused. “Think real hard. Where was the last place you remember having them?” Spoken with inflection of someone who has heard this question many times.

So, later that day after my Grands left, I backtracked my morning steps. Upstairs in the green room where I typed on my laptop computer. In the bathroom. On the kitchen desk. The kitchen table. In the dirty clothesbasket in the laundry room. I pulled out every stinking piece of dirty clothes because I was pretty sure I had pushed my glasses to the top of my head before I put dirty clothes in the washer and took clean ones out of the dryer.

At suppertime, I shared my dilemma with Husband and how David thought I should wear another pair and Ruth’s insightful question. Husband smiled. That smile that meant ‘We’ve been here before.’ “Where have you looked?” he asked. I explained and named every piece of dirty clothes I touched.

After supper, Husband nonchalantly walked from the laundry room and laid my red glasses on the kitchen counter. “What?” I said, “I looked in there! Went through all our stinky clothes. Looked on the floor.”

“Did you look in the trash can?” he asked.

My Grands will laugh when I tell them about Pop’s discovery. And, someday I’m going to write a story from my glasses’s point of view. They’ll scream, “Don’t put me on top of your head. I don’t like falling in grass and creeks and trash cans!”


Lost Phone or Lost Mind?

7898 While talking on the phone with JoAnn, my college roommate, I said, “Let me read you what our friends sent in texts yesterday.”  JoAnn’s phone doesn’t receive text messages.  I continued talking as I walked around my house.  “I’ll get my cell.  You’ve got to hear Blondie’s news!  Where is that phone?  When are you going to get a phone so we can send you texts?  I can’t find my phone.  It’s not in my purse.  Not charging.  Not on my desk.  Oh, I’m talking on it!”  For the next five minutes, JoAnn laughed in my ear.

I really did that.  I lost my phone while I held it in my hand.  When I told my family and friends what I’d done, they shared that they’d done the same and more.  Daughter said that when she discovered I’d left my cell phone at her house, she called me as I drove out of her driveway so I’d come back for it.  My phone rang while she held it in her hand.

Marilyn said that her cousin’s phone rang while the two of them were shopping in a department store.  Her cousin searched madly in her purse as it rang and rang, but she couldn’t find it.  Finally, she quit looking and told Marilyn, “It’s not here.  I must have left it in the car.”  So how did she hear it ring?

Most of us have called a phone that we’ve misplaced and hoped that its ring would lead us to it.  Jo admitted that she asked a drive-thru window bank teller to call her phone number while she held her purse up to her ear to see if it rang.  That’s good customer service.

Lana said that she lost her glasses while they were on her face and lost her keys while holding them in her my hand.  And her car has a mind all its own.  It automatically turns toward her house even when she plans to go to the grocery store.

Judy washed a load of clothes without any clothes in the washing machine.  Von bought liquid laundry detergent at the grocery store.  Later that day after he’d loaded dirty clothes in his washing machine, he couldn’t find the detergent.  He was upset and sure that the grocery store bagger hadn’t put it in his bags.  At lunchtime, he opened his refrigerator and found the detergent.  Right on the top shelf where he’d put it.

Kathy walked from her bedroom to her kitchen to take medicine.  But then she couldn’t read the labels on the medicine bottles because she’d left her glasses on her bedside table.

Jo opened Belk’s door with her car key.  She pushed the button on her car key to open her car door at the same moment that she stepped in the right spot that made Belk’s automatic door open.  She wrote this message to me, “Crazier than a run over dawg!  That’s what we are, sister friend!”  Maybe.

Kathy said, “It’s good to know I’m not alone.”  I agree.  And you know what makes me feel even better?  Most of these people are at least twenty years younger than me.  So my age has nothing to do with the fact that I lost my phone in my hand?  Right?