You look really good for your age. I’ve never forgotten that comment made by a young college co-ed. I was thirty years older than she, but not even 50 yet.
When her friends glared at her and simultaneously inhaled, she grinned. When one said that she liked the food I’d brought for the gathering and asked for the recipe, no doubt an effort to fill the silence in the small kitchen, she nodded.
This child probably thought she’d paid me a compliment. I wish I’d known her well enough to take her aside and washed her mouth out with soap. Borax would’ve been appropriate to remove the words ‘for your age.’
Maybe you’ve heard similar comments. He has a thick hair for his age. She dresses nicely for her age.
Recently, I read an article stating that we Southerners, especially women, are masters of backhanded compliments. Phrases that are less-than-gracious flow like warm molasses. I regret to say that we women are known for tossing around words that should have been stifled. Just last week, I cringed when I heard, “Is that a new haircut? It looks so much better.”
And unfortunately, while listening to our aunts and mothers and their friends, we learned, and later repeated, a few subtle phrases to interject before changing the topic of a conversation. I love how you say what you think. Well, that’s one way to look at it. That’s different and maybe it works for you. Well, aren’t you sweet?
But one less-than-gracious phrase outranks all others and we Southern women keep it on the tip of our tongues. We roll it with sugar and honey. It oozes from our lips no matter where we are or who is with us.
We say it anywhere, anytime. During Sunday afternoon concerts and Saturday morning kid’s soccer games. Summer, winter, spring, and fall. About young and old.
I remember a winter school day when a few of us teachers were hurriedly eating lunch while sitting knee-to-knee, shoulder-to-shoulder around tables in the faculty lounge. Conversations darted from how cold our classrooms were to how to get the best deal on a new phone to a guaranteed weight-loss diet to complaints about one more form to fill out.
Mrs. W stood, walked toward the lounge door, and looked down at her feet. With a loud shocked voice, she said, “Oh, no!”
The room went silent and every eye followed Mrs. W’s gaze. She wore almost matching shoes – both flats. Both slip-ons. One with a small bow; the other plain. One brown; one navy blue.
When Mrs. W laughed, we laughed too.
She left the room and we dear teacher friends shook our heads and let those sugar-coated words roll: Bless her heart.
We Southern women have been accused of saying whatever comes to mind about whomever and adding heart blessings to cover our words. Maybe it’s too late, but here goes. To that young woman who is now the age that I was: You didn’t know better. Bless your heart.
Filed under: Everyday Life | Tagged: bless your heart, southern insults | 1 Comment »
Susan Writes 