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Who Decided Thanksgiving?

Posted on November 22, 2017 by susanrray

As I bake cornbread to make dressing for Thanksgiving dinner at our house, I’m thankful someone else planned the menu and set the date. But who created the menu? Who decided November?

Research led me away from the Thanksgiving story I learned as a child. Historians say it is possible the colonists and Wampanoag Indians, who had lived for thousands of years where the Pilgrims settled, ate a meal together in 1621. But the main meat was probably venison, and more than likely there were races and shooting contests and festivities that lasted at least three days.

George Washington declared a Thanksgiving holiday November 1789, but it was for only that year and wasn’t connected to the Pilgrim feast. He intended the day as a time of “public thanksgiving and prayer” and devoted to “the service of that great and glorious Being who is the beneficent Author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be.”

Thanksgiving wasn’t official until 1863 and it was a woman who came up with the idea for an annual holiday. Sarah Josepha Hale edited an influential women’s magazine, Godey’s Lady’s Book, for forty years from 1837-1877. Hale was an education advocate, a writer, a patriot, and through the magazine she set trends in fashion, reading, and cooking.

When Hale read about the possible 1621 Pilgrim feast, she became determined to turn it into a national holiday. The Godey’s Lady’s Book published recipes for turkey and stuffing and pumpkin pie which started food traditions. To gain public support to make Thanksgiving an official annual holiday, she wrote an editorial every year beginning in 1846, and she sent letters to all the United States governors, senators, the president, and other politicians.

Finally, in 1863, in the middle of the Civil War, Abraham Lincoln set the fourth Thursday as the day to celebrate Thanksgiving. In his proclamation, he pleaded that all Americans ask God to “commend to his tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife” and to “heal the wounds of the nation.”

So Sarah Joespha Hale gets credit for the tradition of my family gathering around the dining room table and our Thanksgiving menu. And Abraham Lincoln set the date that hasn’t changed in 154 years, except for two years 1939-1940, when Franklin D. Roosevelt moved the holiday up a week in hopes of spurring retail sales during the Great Depression. The change met such opposition that he signed a bill in 1941 to return Thanksgiving to the fourth Thursday.

I appreciate that both Washington and Lincoln made religious statements when they declared Thanksgiving Day. Washington intended a time for public thanksgiving and praying to “that great and glorious Being.” Lincoln encouraged Americans to ask God to care for people and the nation.

And I’m glad Hale was determined that Thanksgiving be an annual holiday and created a menu of turkey, cornbread dressing, and pumpkin pie. I can’t imagine eating anything different on the fourth Thursday in November.

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Rainy Days

Posted on November 15, 2017 by susanrray

Rain gets a bad rap. How many times have you heard complaints about a rainy day? I do love sunshine, but I also love rainy days. And even better a thunderstorm, not a damaging storm, just rolling thunder and gentle rain.

As I write this, the morning sky is gray and water puddles stand in the driveway. Thunder woke me at 5:45 a.m. and then I heard the rain. I opened the shutters and raised a window and sat close as I drank my first cup of coffee. A perfect way to begin the day. I wouldn’t like rain every day, I’m not in favor of moving to Oregon where rain falls 164 days yearly, but I surely like a good rainy day.

And I’m not the only one. Three-year-old Jess said, “Yay, rain puddles. Stomp!” Have you ever seen a little kid walk around a puddle? Jess stops at a puddle’s edge and jumps right in the middle with both feet or stomps with one foot, then the other.

Elaine, age 6, likes rainy days to play in mud and be messy. She slathers her body with mud. Elaine doesn’t need spa treatments to reap the benefits of mud baths. Mud baths are advertised to soften skin, detox the body, improve circulation, and relieve stress. If these claims are true, my Grand should be calm and healthy.

“Mom won’t make us go outside to play,” said Lou, age 10. This Grand is happiest holding a book in her hands. “We get to watch TV more on rainy days,” said, Ruth. But when outside, both these girls are right beside their younger siblings stomping puddles and playing in mud.

My Grands take me back. As a kid, I patted dozens of mud pies and meatballs. I liked the feel of sloppy wet dirt squishing through my fingers. But one of the few times I remember Mom really being angry with me was a rainy day. I was about eight when she let me use her red umbrella to walk in the rain for fun. I played in our front yard, running barefoot through standing water, and then decided the umbrella would make a good boat. Mom wasn’t happy that her good umbrella was upside down, soaking wet, and the underneath side plastered with wet leaves. Leaves that stained.

I admit I’ve chanted, “Rain, rain, go away. Come again another day.” When I taught a class of 28 sixth-grade students, I hated rainy days that prevented outside recess and walking around the school building after lunch in the cafeteria to take the long way back to our classroom. And when Daughter and Son-in-law’s wedding reception was planned for our backyard, I cussed the four days of non-stop rain.

I planned to write a happy, enjoy-the-rain ending for this column. But I can’t. I went grocery shopping at 4:15 p.m. and walked in drizzling rain and darkness hit and my hair frizzed and I was cold and damp. No wonder rain gets a bad rap.

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Maxim for Life

Posted on November 9, 2017 by susanrray

WHERE WE ARE

I chose the title of this column when my aunt said to me, “It’s okay. It’s where we are in life.” That was 2009.

One of my first columns told about a phone conversation with Aunt Doris, who was 83 at the time and has since passed away. When I asked what she and Uncle Hugh had done during that week, she said they’d attended two funerals. One for a close friend. I was upset that they had lost a good friend and their week was spent at the funeral home and church.

Aunt Doris said, “It’s okay. It’s where we are in life.”   With those words, she assured me that she had accepted her life stage. Aunt Doris and Uncle Hugh were familiar with the rituals of death. Each morning and at noontime, they listened to the radio for the local news and obituaries, and Aunt Doris called her church or a friend if she needed more information about a death.

By that afternoon, she had fried apple pies or a homemade chocolate pie ready to take to the family of the deceased. She and Uncle Hugh attended visitation or the funeral and sometimes both. They gave their time and hearts to comfort those who were mourning.

In a 2009 column, I wrote that I’d adopted Aunt Doris’s words as a maxim for life. No matter what my age or situation, it’s where I was and being okay was my goal. And now, that Husband and I are losing friends to death and many of our conversations are about sickness, I preach Aunt Doris’s words to myself.

Recent deaths hit hard. Our next-door neighbor of 34 years and another friend with whom we’ve celebrated good times since 1977. Some friends care for invalid parents. Others suffer debilitating illnesses. Friends endure chemotherapy and radiation treatments. Wheelchairs and walkers are common in homes. I’m not accepting any of this easily.

It’s comforting to remember the past. Sleeping twice for two hours during the night and hoping for a nap when a baby naps. Giving baby showers and wedding parties. Sewing Halloween costumes and Easter dresses. Chauffeuring children to sports practices, piano lessons, church choir. Monitoring homework.

Travelling long distances to watch Daughter play volleyball and Son play basketball. Welcoming twelve teen-age girls to Friday night slumber parties. Cooking hamburgers for Son and his friends. Hosting a 50th wedding anniversary dinner for parents.

Celebrating engagements and weddings. Cuddling newborn grandchildren. Comforting a Grand during his first overnight stay, his first time to sleep away from home and his parents. And now, setting the family table for six adults and eight Grands for Christmas morning breakfast.

Aunt Doris was right. It’s where we are in life that determines what we do. And she showed me that accepting a life stage and its activities, its blessings, and its trials make life okay.

I don’t have to like losing friends and sickness. Just accept. I’ll keep talking to myself.

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Ode to Crib

Posted on November 6, 2017 by susanrray

downloadFor twelve years a crib sat in the corner of the room that adjoins Daughter and Son-in-Law’s bedroom. A sturdy dark cherry crib. The room’s décor changed. From blues to golden and back to primary blue. Boy. Three daughters. Boy. The crib stayed parked in its corner.

And then last week, the youngest moved upstairs into his big boy bed. His very own twin bed. And the room will no longer be a nursery. It’ll be study room. A reading room. A library. A place to hang out. Baby and toddler toys were moved out. Bedroom dresser carried upstairs. Bookshelves moved in and still the crib stood, now in the middle of the room, until finally the time came to take it down.

So my guest writer this week is Daughter. After her twelve-year-old son loosened screws to disassemble the crib and the mattress was stored away, Daughter wrote to that small bed where her babies and toddlers had slept.

Dear Crib,
I don’t know how it came to be that your first occupant is dismantling you with real live man-tools. How many nights have our babes slept in your protection? I’ve done the math and it’s been approximately 4,532 nights. And days. Oh, the naps. The long nights. When I, so desperate for sleep myself, yearned to crawl in beside a restless babe.

            How our wee ones slept bundled, little baby burritos. How we all cheered the first morning or after naptime, when many months old they were first found standing, holding the rail. Smiling so proud. We took pictures and clapped. All 5 times.

            How one especially determined girlie went awol (climbed out) at just 18 months. It was in this crib she first tested boundaries and determined they were not for her.

            How many sibling romps and illicit jumps have been taken? How many songs have been sung, blessings whispered over newborns, giggly infants, squishy toddlers.

            We bought you, dear crib, as thirty-year-old first time parents who had researched far too deeply and visited more than many furniture stores (#blessourhearts) looking for just the right one. And we found it. You’ve been good to us, trusty friend. Now, you wait. Just pause. Rest in the dark basement. Because I strongly considered Pinterest-ing you into another useful thing…a chalkboard perhaps, or nifty drying rack, or a snazzy holder for matchbox cars.

            But I just can’t do it. So, when all these people bring me some grandbabies to visit, you will once again be hauled up the steps and I will lay those beautiful babes down to sleep in your well-loved, tear-stained, bite-mark self. So long, dear crib, until we meet again. #passthetissues

Pass the tissues is right. I cried when the room was in a shambles transforming from nursery to whatever is its new title. And I cried days later when Daughter announced, “Crib has a home for a few years!” It’s moving to friend’s house for her first granddaughter’s visits.

Crib has many more loving nights and daytime naps to give.

Filed under: Memories | Tagged: | 5 Comments »

Who Likes to be Scared?

Posted on November 6, 2017 by susanrray

downloadIt’s the season for haunted houses and horror movies and ghosts. Slaughterhouse. Dead Land Haunted House. Spooks Galore. The Haunting. Night of Demons. Halloween. Cemetery of Terror. A frightening list could fill this column and none would appeal to me. I don’t like being scared and don’t understand why anyone does. One ghost encounter was enough for me.

When I was a high school student, several girlfriends and I spent the night with our friend Nelda. An after school, Friday night slumber party on a late summer day.   We piled our books and overnight bags in Nelda’s room and went outside.

Nelda’s family’s farm was on a gravel road and not another house was in sight. We sometimes walked through the barnyard and across a field to a small cemetery. But that day, we walked the long way around on the country road because the field was planted with corn. Corn stalks, much taller than us, grew and the paths between the rows of corn were too narrow to walk through without being scraped by razor-sharp leaves.

In the cemetery, we laughed and talked. We made up stories about the people whose names were on the tombstones and those whose graves were marked with slabs of unmarked stones. We sat under the low branches of oak and hickory trees as the sun settled low in the sky. Then we got quiet. Quiet enough to hear silence –an eerie sound.

Someone whispered, “Ghosts.” Silence and twilight and tombstones were frightening. Ghosts? Where? Did you see one? My friends and I stood and huddled together. Nelda told us that someone had recently been buried in the back of the cemetery close to the woods. When we looked that direction, the sun probably cast a shadow or maybe a tree branch fell or perhaps a squirrel jumped from a limb to the ground or maybe nothing happened. Someone screamed, “Ghosts!”

We ran. Through the cemetery. Across a graveled road. Climbed a wire fence at a wooden fence post and ran into the cornfield. Corn leaves slapped our faces and scraped our arms and legs. Scared. Hearts beating fast. Away from the cemetery ghosts. A friend’s shoe fell off and still we ran through the biggest cornfield in Tennessee. Screaming for each other to keep up. Hurry.

When we finally made our way to a clearing, Nelda’s dad stepped out of the barn and more than one of us cried. Nelda told him we’d been in the old cemetery and heard scary noises. Maybe ghosts. Her dad was a man of very few words. He walked with us to the house and turned on the outside water spigot. Nelda’s mother handed us a bar of soap and towels. We scrubbed and rinsed and dried.

None of us were really sure what we saw or what we didn’t see. There were later times we same girls sat among the same tombstones, giggled and told stories, as teen-age girls do, but we never saw ghosts again.

Once was enough.

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Life in 2017

Posted on October 18, 2017 by susanrray

Husband needed the schedule, I thought. I hit the word FORWARD at the top of an email, entered Husband’s email address, and clicked SEND. Then I walked downstairs from an upstairs room in our house where I work on my computer to where Husband sat in front of his laptop. “I forwarded an email to you,” I said.

“What’s it about?” Husband asked.

“Where and when talks will be given at the Chattanooga aquarium when we go this week. I made notes to take with us.” Holding a post-it-note in my hand, I laughed at myself. How silly to forward an email when Husband was only thirty steps away and I could have told him the information I wanted to share or just shown him the note I held.

Sending this email reminded me of a list I read that began with these words: you know you are living in 2017 when. It included you send an e-mail to the person whose desk is right next to you. I read that, shook my head, and thought surely not. But surely, I did the same.

As I reread the list recently, I wondered if someone had been watching me.

You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach a family of three. I have at least two phone numbers, home and mobile, for everyone and work numbers for some. Remember when the only number was a home phone?

You drive into your driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help carry in the groceries. Even worse, I called as I left the grocery store in hopes that Husband would be standing on the front steps waiting for me.

Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t even own for the first 20 or 30 years of your life, is cause for panic and you go home to get it. Guilty. I drove a mile away from home, thought of something I meant to tell Husband, reached in my purse to send a text, and when my cell phone wasn’t there, I drove home. I got my phone, forget to tell Husband whatever was important, and drove back across town.

You enter your checking account PIN number on the microwave. That Personal Identification Number that I worked hard to memorize. I didn’t enter it on the microwave, but I did once use it as the last four digits of my Social Security number.

I could add a few things to the list.

You hit fast-forward on the television remote control to avoid watching commercials while watching a live program.

You push OPEN on your car fob to unlock the door at your house.

You hand a credit card to the librarian to check out a book at the public library, and your library card is not even the same color as your credit card.

Living in 2017. Technology. Emails. Cell phones. Remote controls. Credit cards. PIN.

Makes me wonder what life twenty years later will be like.

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Happy Birthday Grandmother!

Posted on October 11, 2017 by susanrray

Happy birthday to the woman who raised Husband! As she celebrates her 90th birthday, I honor my mother-in-law.

Recently, four Grands and I visited Ann, whom we call Grandmother. We asked questions. Where were you born? How many siblings did you have? Did you have to do chores? What did you do for fun?

Born on October 1927, Anna Love and her twin sister, Billie Dove, were the 7th and 8th children of twelve born to Kate and Dock Powell. They were born at home, in Bon Air, White County, Tennessee. Two younger siblings died before their first birthday. Their father worked in the local coalmines and their mother took care of the house, raised the children, cooked, gardened, and sewed the family’s clothes. “When a baby was born, Aunt Annie, Mama’s sister, came to stay with us and helped,” Grandmother said.

“With all those kids maybe she should have stayed all the time,” one of my Grands said. Grandmother laughed and explained that everyone, even the youngest kids helped.

“Let me tell you one of mine and Bill’s jobs,” Ann said. “You know how a hen sets on eggs to hatch chickens? Well, when it rained really hard, the mother hen would get her chicks under her. She spread her wings wide and gathered them. But sometimes, the chicks would drown because they’d be in a low place in the yard and a puddle would form. So we had to get the little chicks out from under the hens and put them in a dry place.”

“We didn’t have bicycles and toys and everything like you do,” Grandmother said. “We played ball and hopscotch. I saved a piece of glass for hopscotch.”

“Glass? A sharp piece of glass?” a Grand asked.

“No, a big piece that had smooth edges. It was just right for hopscotch.” Grandmother told about playing in the creek in the springtime. She and her sisters took their shoes off even though their mother told them not get wet. To avoid spankings, the girls didn’t go home until they were dry.

When asked about Christmas presents, Grandmother remembered that her mother made a little couch and two chairs and hid them under quilts. She and Bill found the little furniture and played with it before Christmas. “Mama could make anything and made things for all of us. She sewed and canned and cooked. She baked Christmas cakes – coconut, chocolate, and fruitcake – and we always had plenty to eat. At Christmas, we had a feast and everybody came,” Grandmother said.

Grandmother’s eyes twinkled and she grinned as she reminisced. My Grands wiggled, giggled, and listened. They knew before they left her house Grandmother would offer a jumbo pack of gum and just a little treat. Usually a package of their favorite cookies or candy.

Ann has passed on her mother’s joy for sharing and giving to her four children, five grandchildren, twelve great-grands, and us in-laws. She’s a blessing and I wish her the best birthday ever!

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Band-Aids for Adults

Posted on October 5, 2017 by susanrray

“There should be adult Band-Aids with pictures of things we like,” I told Husband as I covered a bloody spot on the top of his head.

“Yeah,” Husband said, “I’d get some with a picture of B. B. King.”

“I’d choose butterflies or trees,” I said.

Husband’s baldhead attracts tree limbs, the tailgate of my van, and so many other things that scrap his head. My skin isn’t as tough as it was so I often reach for a bandage for my arms. We have an assortment of adhesive bandages: sheer, waterproof, cloth, plastic. And choices for the Grands: Sesame Street and Animal Kingdom. (Sometimes I wear a monkey or tiger and my young Grands think it’s cool.) But we don’t have any adult design bandages.

Think of the possibilities. Seasonal: Christmas, snowflakes, Valentine hearts, Easter eggs, 4th or July, Halloween, Thanksgiving. Hobbies: golf clubs, deck of cards, blooming flowers, knitting needles. Wear your profession: dollar bills for bankers, books for librarians, computers for programmers. Show support for a sports team: purple and gold for TTU, orange for UT.

How about Band-Aids with initials? I’d like a red capital S in Old English script. There are names available on everything from placemats to key rings, why not on bandages?

Thinking of these ideas made me wonder who invented adhesive bandages and when were the ones with designs for kids made. Mom put plain flesh colored strips on me; I put Big Bird on my children.

Earle Dickson, who was a cotton buyer for Johnson & Johnson, invented the Band-Aid in 1921 for his wife because she often cut her fingers while preparing food. The small piece of gauze she held in place with adhesive tape to cover a cut fell off easily. So Dickson attached gauze to the center of a piece of tape and covered it with crinoline to keep it sterile. When his boss saw the invention, the company began producing Band-Aids for the public and Dickson was promoted to vice-president.

Sales were slow until the 1950s. Then Johnson & Johnson donated Band-Aids to Boy Scout troops and overseas military personnel as publicity stunts and in 1951 the first decorative bandages with Mickey Mouse were manufactured to appeal to children.

The structural design has changed little in almost 100 years and adhesive bandages are now available in sizes from thumbnail to big patches. A child can choose a character from kids’ movies and television shows. But what about designs for adults?

I haven’t found any at the corner market, but there are some interesting bandages online. Husband might like bright red lips or a green pickle-shaped bandage on the top of his head. I’d choose safari designs as bracelets. And for a night walk, we can both wear neon orange.

These choices are a long way from Husband’s request. However, custom designs are available, a minimum of 5000 for $1300. Maybe I’ll glue a picture of B. B. on a Band-Aid and Husband will have an original personalize bandage.

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Her Other Name is Gran

Posted on September 27, 2017 by susanrray

Elaine and I splashed in the sea, not the ocean, the sea, according to my six-year-old Grand. We held hands, jumped waves, watched tiny fish swim, buried our toes in the sandy sea floor and marveled that we could see our feet through the clear water of the gulf beach.

When a girl, about ten years old, joined us, Elaine welcomed her by talking about the fish. “What’s your name?” I asked. She said her name was Chelsea. I said, “I’m Susan.”

My Grand picked up the social cue. “I’m Elaine and her other name is Gran,” she said as she splashed water with both hands toward me. And in that moment, I realized I’m no longer Susan, Daughter, Mother. I’m Gran.

Yes, I’ve been a grandparent for more than twelve years, but somehow until Elaine’s announcement, I didn’t think of myself first as a grandparent. My immediate thought was I’m glad I chose Gran, a name I like.

As I reflect on a recent beach trip with Husband and Grands and their parents, I chuckle to myself that it was my coming-out-grandparent week. I embraced the grandmother role. While the Grands and their parents took a lunch break from the beach, Husband and I sat under an umbrella and relished the relative quiet and calm. We watched a family of four with a toddler and arm-holding baby at the water’s edge. The mother held baby and tried to dig into the sand with her toddler. Giving up, she laid baby on a beach chair under an umbrella, and my grandmother instincts kicked in.

“I’ll be glad to hold your baby if you want to play in the water. I’m sitting beside your umbrella,” I said.

The mother smiled and told me she thought her baby was sleepy. “Are you sure you don’t mind?” she asked. Mind?

“How about I hold him for a few minutes and see how it goes,” I said. So I settled in a beach chair and the mother explained that 7-month old Jonathan liked to watch people. His back against my chest so he could see his mother and my arms wrapped around him, Jonathan was asleep in five minutes. For an hour, I had the perfect excuse not to move.

Then there was the day that my Grands paddled an ocean kayak. “Gran, do you want to go for a ride?” my twelve-year-old Grand asked. David had proved himself capable, first with his dad, then with younger sisters. An ocean kayak ride would be a first for me. “All you have to do is sit in the front. I’ll paddle,” David said.

So I settled on the seat, propped my feet in the footholds, and we sailed away. “How far out do you want to go?” David asked. I shrugged. “Okay, just remember to sit still. Don’t lean to one side quickly.”

This is the last of four September columns to celebrate and honor grandparents. How appropriate that Elaine nailed my identity as Gran for the finale.

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You Let Them Do What?

Posted on September 26, 2017 by susanrray

Who serves ice cream for breakfast? Who lets children jump on furniture? Who watches the same movie fifteen times? Who pays children for jobs that don’t even need doing?

We grandparents plead guilty. Not all grandparents to all charges, but some.

I asked Facebook friends what do grandparents let grandchildren do that they as children weren’t allowed to do. And friends responded.

So many breakfast choices. Caroline’s grandfather served ice cream topped with Fruit Loops and told her mother that they ate cereal.   Nell’s grandchildren eat fudge for dessert after breakfast and her own children never heard of breakfast dessert. Karen’s mother made chocolate pie and chocolate pudding for her grandchildren’s breakfasts. Grandparents offer sugar-coated cereal to grandchildren and parents say it wasn’t even in the house when they were young.

Milkshakes with sprinkles are a meal and one grandmother even serves ice cream to her grandchildren for any meal – not as dessert, as the meal. Sara’s mother keeps mini ice cream sandwiches and brown cow ice cream bars, just for the grandchildren. And if grandchildren don’t like what is served for supper, they can refuse and choose something else.

Laura’s parents give her middle-school age children chocolate candy every afternoon when they pick them up after school. Laura said, “They create nothing jobs and overpay the kids for the made-up jobs.” Looking back, Laura should’ve known what to expect. When her firstborn was two, he colored on her parents’ white bookshelf and television screen, and her parents said, “It’s okay. If it doesn’t come off, we’ll buy new ones.”

Grandchildren jump on beds and if they jump onto a CD player, it’s okay.   One grandmother admits that she protected an antique coffee table and her daughters weren’t allowed to put their feet on it. But her grandchildren sit in small chairs and eat at that table, with placemats, of course.

Brenda admitted that her grandson eats what he wants, when he wants, goes to bed when he wants, chooses television programs and movies, and has her undivided attention. And grandparents are shoppers. When they shopped, Deloris’s grandmother always bought her a new outfit and any toy she wanted. Grandparents take gifts to grandchildren every time they visit.

To go one generation further, one great-grandmother didn’t allow her children in the fancy living room. And when grandchildren opened their Christmas gifts in that room, no food or drinks were allowed. But that room is the great-grandchildren’s gymnastics room where they turn somersaults and pretend to be airplanes. And it’s okay to eat cookies and drink juice in the living room.

So what do parents think of grandparents relaxing the rules? Here are my two favorite comments: I didn’t get to eat ice cream for breakfast, but I’m happy Mom lets my kids! Let it be said, I fully intend to do the same when my tribe grows up and brings me some grandbabies!

All parents may not agree, but I hope my Grands’ parents do.

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