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Dear Darling

On Thursday, January 4, 1944, at 7:30 a.m. Dad wrote to Mom. “Didn’t get a letter yesterday.  Guess you didn’t have time since you are so busy canning meat.  It’s a little greasy and messy, isn’t it?” The letter’s return address is Camp Bowie, Texas. 

In last week’s column, I shared that Daughter and two Grands helped me sort the many letters that Dad wrote Mom while he served in the Army from October 1943 until April 1946.  These letters give glimpses of 2 ½ years. 

Dad wrote about daily life: food served, letters received from family and friends, fellow soldiers he met who had lived near his Byrdstown, Tennessee home town, weather, frustrations of letting the hem out of pants to make them long enough. And he always asked about Roger, my brother who was almost one when Dad enlisted.

In one January 1944 letter, Dad wrote that he hoped Mom was feeling fine after having ‘those old tonsils removed’ and that her headaches disappeared as a result.   For about two months, letters were rerouted from Byrdstown to Albany, Ky, and Akron, Ohio, where Mom’s two sisters lived.  So, Mom and Roger must have stayed with her sisters after her tonsillectomy.

From an October 1944 letter, I learned that Dad worked as a dentist assistant.  A job that was envied by others because he worked shorter hours and had time off. 

Dad wrote, “Do what you like with the roll top desk.  Paint it or anything.  Big job to sand it down tho and get it looking decent.”  Someone made it look decent.  It was Dad’s office desk at the service station he owned in the early 1950’s.  Without the roll top, it was Mom’s back porch office desk.  For many years, my brother and sister-in-law used it and two years ago, it was moved again – to my oldest Grand’s room.

February 1945, Dad mailed a signed Power of Attorney form. 

Letters written in March show an APO address: New York, NY.  He wrote, “I am still

very much in love with a certain beautiful young lady and this loneliness is only natural.”  One heading reads At Sea.  Another is Somewhere in France.

            Dad tells of travelling by truck convoy through several French towns and seeing some rather beautiful farm county.  People along the way were eager to get the cigarettes and candy thrown to them.

            April 1945, Dad wrote from Somewhere in Germany. He assured Mom that he wasn’t in danger, far from the front, and working as a carpenter.  An August letter reads, “We heard today about the new atomic bomb and our paper says something about a plant near Knoxville.”

            I’ve skimmed letters through March 1946, including those returned to Mom because Dad was on his way home. 

            My favorite parts are the greetings and closings.  Dear Darling.  Hi Sweetheart. 

Good night, Dearest I love you. I love you and always will.

            I share these glimpses to encourage others to get letters out of boxes.  Such writings make us who we are.

A Box Full of Letters

A tattered cardboard box filled with letters has been in a corner of a room at our house since 1992.  Not long after Mom’s death, Dad moved from his home in Byrdstown, Tennessee.

            Dad sold the house that he and Mom built in 1947, the house I grew up in, and he moved to an apartment here in Cookeville. My emotions were too raw to read those letters so soon after Mom’s death and after helping Dad clean out the only house I’d known as his and Mom’s home.

            The letters were tied with narrow satin ribbons.  Some red.  Some pink and blue – the soft hues that would be wrapped around a baby’s gift.  I looked at those ribbons and thought Mom tied those.

            At the time, Dad explained that most were letters he’d written to Mom while he was in the Army.  He served from October 1943 to April 1946, the last two years of World War II and seven months after the end of the war.  

Dad didn’t want to talk about his letters – only to tell me that the signatures on the bottom left-hand corner of envelopes that he’d mailed while stationed in Europe indicated that the letters had been approved by an examiner. 

Dad died in 1997, never looking at the letters. He did identify himself and friends in some black-and-white photos. He was a really good looking solider when he was stationed in Camp Barkley, Oklahoma for basic training.

            Through the years, I’ve read a few letters and every time I had to be careful that my teardrops didn’t smudge the ink.  And every time, I’d think that I needed to get the letters out of the box, but the task seemed overwhelming and I didn’t know how to best store them. 

            About two months ago, I gave up the excuse that I didn’t know how.  I met Megan Atkinson, Tennessee Tech University archivist, and told her about Dad’s letters.  “What should I do to save them?” I asked.

            Her response, while kind and gentle, was immediate and direct.  “Get them out of the envelopes and lay them flat.”  She explained that folded paper becomes weak and tears easily.  “Use a plastic paper clip to attach each letter and its envelope to a blank sheet of paper and store them in acid free folders.”

And I learned that I shouldn’t lay the folders on top of each other because weight weakens paper and to use acid-free storage boxes.   

I asked for help.  Following Megan’s directions, Daughter, two Grands, and I sorted and stored Dad’s 147 letters. We reminded ourselves to stay on task, but my two teen-age Grands found some treasures.  One is a picture of their great-grandfather standing in front of the Arc de Triomphe in Paris.

            Since Mom’s birthday is November 7 and Veteran’s Day is November 11, it’s a good time to honor Mom and Dad.  Time to read and share these letters with their grandchildren and great-grands.    

She Threw Her Arms Around Him

She was 7 when he was born.  From the stories I’ve heard, Husband was his aunt Shirley’s live doll and she carried him until he got too heavy for her – maybe that’s when she started calling him Big Boy.  My first memory of Shirley was when Husband and I were dating and I visited his family’s holiday gathering.  Shirley held her arms wide, wrapped them around Husband and said, “My Big Boy.” 

            At that time, I didn’t understand their relationship.  As children and through her teen-age years, they had lived next door to each other and their parents worked together in the family-owned Ray’s Bi-Rite grocery, next to her home.  Shirley was like a big sister who adored her nephew and she spoiled him.  

            Because Ray’s Bi-Rite didn’t stock Fritos and Husband like them, Shirley, a high school student, bought them for him at another store.  When she was a TPI student, she gave him a purple sweat shirt embossed with Golden Eagle, now known as Awesome Eagle.  Husband wore that shirt to school at least twice a week.

She celebrated his every birthday, every milestone, and was sad when she couldn’t attend Husband’s and my wedding, but she had good reason: her son was born just hours after we said I do.

During the early years of our marriage, we saw Shirley, her husband Owen, and their two children at holiday gatherings at Husband’s grandparents’ home here in Cookeville.  

But I got to know Shirley and Owen well when Husband, our two young school-age children, and I visited them in Athens, Georgia.  They welcomed us with smiles and hugs and gave us a tour of their work place, the University of Georgia. Owen was a professor and she worked in an administrator’s office.  

The campus was beautiful, but the football game between the hedges was the highlight of the visit. Owen and Shirley recognized that Son was taken with their Dawgs so both he and Daughter left Athens wearing Georgia sweatshirts. 

Son’s bedroom was redecorated: Georgia wallpaper border, a Georgia comforter and curtains.  Through the years, Shirley and Owen gave t-shirts, caps, and banners, and all our family, especially Son, are still avid UGA football fans.

Husband often talks with Shirley, but they hadn’t been together for a few years so he and I recently visited Owen and her – not in Athens – in Ohio where they moved five years ago to a senior living facility near their daughter and her family. 

Shirley opened the door of their independent living apartment.  She wrapped her arms around Husband, lay her head on his chest, and said, “My Big Boy.”  Owen, wearing a Georgia t-shirt and a red Bulldog cap, held his arms toward me, then hugged tightly, and said, “I’m so glad you’re here.”

Our two-day visit was perfect.  Time to talk, share photos, catch-up on family news, and reminisce.  As Husband and I drove out of the senior living parking lot, Shirley stood on her second story apartment balcony, waved and blew kisses. 

            Everybody should have an Aunt Shirley.

Celebrating Grandparents

  

 Daughter sent a quote to Husband and me:  The only real parenting hack is to live close to grandparents.         

I don’t know Peter Yang, Canadian writer, entrepreneur, and public speaker, but I agree with the 86,700 people who liked his twitter post.  Daughter added five red hearts and THANK YOU! at the end of her text message. I wiped a happy tear from my cheek when I first read it, and now that I’ve lived with this quote for months, I treasure it.

            Those of us who grew up near grandparents knew we could hide away at their house.  Granny, my paternal grandmother, lived close by – what would be half a city block, but in Byrdstown there weren’t blocks, just roads.  I often nonchalantly said, “I’m going to Granny’s,” and I’d run out our back door and be sitting beside Granny on her pea green nylon covered couch before Mom could ask if I’d finished my homework.

            Granny’s screen door was always unlocked and she always had milk, Hershey’s cocoa, sugar and butter to make grainy chocolate candy.  

            My maternal grandparents lived a ten-minute drive away and I often visited.  Although my grandparents weren’t ‘huggers,’ I knew they loved me no matter if I showed up wearing a dirty t-shirt and shorts or my Sunday dress.

            When Daughter and Son were toddlers, Husband and I moved back to Cookeville; we wanted our children to be closer than three hours away from grandparents.  Through the years, I watched as children and grandparents bonded in everyday life.

After Daughter and Son became independent adults, I realized that their grandparents were the stabilizers for them and me when they were teenagers.  When Daughter drove to Grandmother’s (Husband’s mother), I knew she was going for more than the orange sherbet ice cream push-ups in Grandmother’s freezer. And I remember Mom said, ‘They’ll grow out of it.  Just love them.’ 

Curious to know professional opinions about the influence of grandparents, I googled why grandparents are important.  One article published by Focus on the Family rings true:  We provide unconditional love, perspective, stability, adventure and connections.  

Daughter’s family lives about a 1½ miles from Husband and me.  These five Grands gave me birthday greetings that confirm research.  My gift was a quart canning jar filled with notes that my Grands had written – most words of appreciation.

All wrote of time spent together: making a quilt, learning cursive, Purple Cow stories, reading poems and books, writing stories, playing cards and board games, putting puzzles together, bedtime back rubs, going places, spending the night. And they wrote about food:  bread and rolls, pancakes with sprinkles, fried dill pickles, bacon and scrambled eggs, fried okra.

            Our fourteen-year-old Grand could write the book on grandparenting.  My favorite notes from her: You never give up on us even when we’re extremely aggravating.  You always want the best for us, no matter what you want. You love us so much and care for us and expect nothing in return…..except our smiles.

            She’s right.

Beach Heart Tugs

I promised myself to be mindful of Heart Tugs, times when heartstrings tighten.   I’ve shared other Heart Tugs columns and when I reread those, I relive memories.  While Daughter’s and Son’s families, Husband and I spent time together on a beach vacation, I made notes every day. 

One Grand’s flu diagnosis delayed his and Son2’s (aka son-in-law) arrival.  Strep throat kept another Grand isolated for two days.  So, when all fourteen of us finally sat or played near the water’s edge, I wanted to shout “Hallelujah!” but didn’t because our teen-age Grands would have run for cover.

I sent an early morning text:  Anyone want to walk on the beach with me?  About 7:30?  Son responded:  I’ll meet you there.  Only the two of us, a rare happening.

 “Hey Gran, can Micah and I spend the night with you and Pop in your condo?” nine-year-old Neil asked.  These cousins helped me make-up their bedtime Purple Cow story and the next morning they sat side-by-side at the kitchen counter asking each other riddles.  Their original riddles didn’t make sense, but they giggled like little boys do.

I burned the first batch of pancakes.  Neil said, “It’s okay, Gran.  You get a do-over.”

Son2 and two of his daughters, ages 14 and 16, walked together. His arms wrapped around his girls’ waists and both draped an arm across their dad’s shoulders.  It’s said that a dad is a girl’s first boyfriend; he teaches her the love and respect to expect in relationships.  Son2 is teaching his girls well.

Husband and I invited Dean out for lunch to celebrate his 12th birthday.  “You may invite anyone – parents, aunt, uncle, cousins, siblings,” we told him.  “Just me,” Dean said.  Pictures don’t capture the fun we three shared.

A picture did capture all of us together at the Gulfarium Marine Adventure Park entrance where a young woman held a camera and said, “Line up in front of that backdrop.  Tallest in the back.”   Seconds later she clicked her camera.

“Mom, that could be your Christmas card picture,” Daughter said.  Probably not.  The backdrop gave Son2 a sting ray growing out of his head and a dolphin kissed Son’s head.  My white cap disappeared in a white ocean wave.  One young Grand teased me: “Gran, you’re bald on top and have hair sticking way out by your ears.”

Elsie, age 16, stood beside an ocean kayak. “Who wants to ride with me?” she asked.  Her younger siblings and cousins lined up for turns. 

Husband, standing at the shoreline, announced, “Scavenger hurt!”  Paper trash, a feather, a shell.  In less than a minute, five Grands held those items in hand.

Eight-year-old Ann called, “Gran!”  after I’d kissed her goodnight, tucked her in, and almost closed her bedroom door.  I turned toward her.  She whispered, “I love you, Gran.”

Heart Tugs. However brief.  However rare.  However common. I catch all I can to relive and cherish.

What’s Your Favorite Family Story?

This Saturday, April 30, let’s go to Dogwood Park behind the History Museum between 10:30 a.m. – 4:30 p.m.  Storytellers will entertain us with tales of their growing-up years, travels, and their friends and families. 

            If I’ve learned anything writing this column, it’s that everyone has stories.  Like the time Husband left town for a four-day golf trip and a trampoline was delivered and nine-year-old Son found a snake.  It was harmless garter snake, the size of a yellow #2 pencil and a bit longer than an unsharpened one, but I put on Husband’s work gloves to handle it. 

            Daughter, age 11, wasn’t happy that Son and I punched holes in a metal screw-on lid and put Garter in a quart canning jar so Son could take it to school the next day.   (The teacher had agreed a little snake would be welcome.)  Daughter thought Garter should’ve been left crawling in the weeds near our backyard creek and Son thought Garter should sleep in his room.  We left it inside the jar on the kitchen table.

            The next morning Son, Daughter, and I walked into the kitchen about the same time.  The jar was empty, except for grasses.  We searched, but we didn’t find Garter before school that Friday morning.  All during my teaching work day, I was eager to get home, find the snake, put it outside, and enjoy a calm weekend.  But that wasn’t to be.

            When we arrived home, three huge cardboard boxes blocked our front door.  I pretended I didn’t know what was in the boxes and thought when Husband got home, he could unpack those boxes and set up the trampoline. 

            After a thorough search, Garter wasn’t found.  Daughter and Son were disappointed so, in a moment of insanity, I suggested we look inside the boxes.  Long metal poles.  Heavy metal coiled springs.  Black mesh fabric.  Lugging all of that to the backyard was a chore. 

            Daughter, Son, and I applauded ourselves when a metal circle frame stood stable on level ground.  The children hooked the springs to the frame and laid the fabric on the ground inside the frame.  We began connecting the springs from the frame to the fabric and all went well, until the last few springs because the fabric tension was tight.

            I cut my finger on the sharp end of a spring and sent Son to the house to get the work gloves I’d left on the kitchen table.  We made a plan: Daughter and Son would pull the fabric and I’d pull on the spring to hook it into the metal ring attached in the fabric.

            I put on the gloves, grabbed the spring and said, “Ready, set, pulllll——oh, oh, oh, s***!”  My children dropped the fabric and stared at me.  In a shrill voice, I slowly screamed, “I’m okay.  The snake just crawled up my arm.”             Garter was returned to its outdoor home.  The trampoline was set-up.   Daughter and Son jumped and flipped and somersaulted.  And I knew this would be an all-time favorite family story.

Technology Needs High-Touch Balance

Husband and I have always had our differences.  He listens to the Blues; I choose Smooth Jazz.  He relaxes in front of TV; I unwind while holding a book.  He tops salads with Thousand Island dressing; I like Bleu Cheese.  When our home thermostat is set at 72°F, he’s cold and I’m hot.

            He worked in the business world.  I was an educator.  He was a fish out of water in my elementary school classroom; I never understood what he did every day at his office.  In retirement, he continues to serve on business related community boards; I volunteer for projects for children and their families.

            When our working and volunteer paths have crossed, we’ve worked well together and still do.  Before I submit a writing for publication, he edits it and always catches omitted words and typos.  Recently, he had an opportunity to write a column for a health-care facility publication and asked me to read it for errors and to make suggestions.  

            After reading quickly, my first response was a question: “May I use some of this for my column?”  His writing speaks to all professions and all people, working or retired. Maybe Husband’s and my occupations were more alike than I ever knew, and I wish I’d read the book to which he refers while I was in the classroom.  The following is an excerpt from Husband’s writing.

            We use technology routinely to do our jobs, communicate, shop, to entertain ourselves and more.  With one click, a package is delivered to our doors.  Siri or Alexa stream music or videos.  The world is at our fingertips.

            As I think about the technology we use each day, I am reminded of John Naisbitt’s book Megatrends: Ten New Directions Transforming Our Lives.  The book was published in 1982 and was a best seller. In the second chapter of the book, “From Forced Technology to High Tech/ High Touch,” Naisbitt proposes “that whenever new technology is introduced into society, there must be a counterbalancing human response that is, high touch—or the technology is rejected.”

            Megatrends was published before many of you were born, but the book was standard business reading in the 80’s.  I believe Naisbitt’s writings are still valuable as more and more technology is introduced into our lives.  There is a need to offset the no-human-contact high tech with personal interaction, high touch.

            What did you miss most when our country was locked down for COVID?  For me, I missed being with my family and friends, personal interaction.  Yes, we Zoomed and FaceTimed, but that was not the same as actually being in the room with family and friends.  We had a yearning to hug our grandchildren and look into the eyes of our best friends.

            As we depend more and more on technology, it’s important to understand the need for personal interaction.  In Megatrends, Naisbitt wrote, “We must learn to balance the material wonders of technology with the spiritual demands of our human nature.”

Where I Am 2021

Recently, Husband hung two pictures on our bedroom wall: 8” x 10” black and white pictures of himself and me.  Pictures we gave each other while we were college students.  Pictures made a year before he put a diamond ring on my finger.  His picture sat on the three-drawer dresser beside my twin bed in my college dorm room. 

            My young Grand looked at the pictures and asked, “Gran, who are those people?” 

            “That’s Pop and me when we were dating,” I said.  Her furrowed brows said she didn’t believe me.  Why should she? Husband had hair; my hair was long and brown.  Those people didn’t have wrinkles or double chins.  My Grand doesn’t know those people, and somehow her doubt made me think of something my aunt said when she was about the age I am now.  

            While visiting Aunt Doris, she told me she’d been to three funeral home visitations and baked cakes for grieving families during that week.  I said, “I’m so sorry.” 

            Aunt Doris’s reply gave me the title of this column and a mantra for life: “It’s okay. This is where we are.”  In her gentle voice, my aunt encouraged me to take stock of today and to accept life and its changes.  This is where we are. 

            Even though I’m not a student, I still like to learn and ask questions.  I want to learn something every day, although I sometimes forget and learn the same thing another day.

            I’m no longer a granddaughter or daughter; I’m on the other side of those relationships. I attend more funerals than weddings.  A rocking chair on my front porch welcomes me. 

             I try to do something every day that I’ve never done before.  Last week I held a one-month-old kid, a baby goat, and it wiggled like the puppies I dressed in doll clothes when I was a child. 

            I like celebrations.  A gathering for fun or birthdays or Friday night pizza supper is a celebration. I’m still a country girl.  I’d choose sitting outside under a shade tree over a shopping trip anytime.  

            Exercise feels like physical therapy.  Stiff joints move slowly. I do chair yoga and Silver Sneakers exercise.  I walk around the block, not for fun, but to keep my bones strong.  I tiptoe, not to be quiet, but to stretch the calves of my legs. 

            I solve newspaper Sudoku puzzles and play Words with Friends online for brain exercise.  Writing my memoirs (which my children might read and appreciate when they are my age) and this column, forces me to think in complete sentences.

            I’m thankful for technology to easily and quickly communicate with friends and family, especially my teen-age Grands. I like board and card games – even when Grands ask to play the same game time and time again.  I’ll never read all the books on my to-be-read list.            

That girl in the picture is still in love with that guy. And the older we get, the more I embrace life as it is.

It’s a Mystery

I love a good mystery.  The who-did-it stories.  The why-did-it-happen questions. Recently, I was curious as I looked through a huge stack of newspapers that my mother-in-law, Ann, saved. 

            After her death in June, I wrote a column about Husband and me searching those papers. We cut out many pictures and articles of people Ann knew, but some papers went to recycling intact because we didn’t find anything to keep.

            There is one paper we have studied many times and can’t find anything about anybody we know, but there is something unique about this edition of the Nashville Banner, published May 14, 1946. A section has been cut out.  A 1½ inch x 1 column section.  What’s the missing article?

            It’s bordered by a story of charges against a grocer violating Tennessee Sunday blue laws, an engagement announcement from Scottsville, Kentucky, and an obituary from Columbia, Tennessee. So, maybe we were looking for a personal article.

            Ann kept detailed lists of family members, including dates of births, weddings, and deaths.  Husband searched for May 1946, but didn’t find anything.  We hoped his aunt, who has a very clear mind at age 93, would remember something.  She didn’t. 

            Then, I looked carefully at the small pink address label, that is glued upside down on the front page, and here was another mystery.  Who was Fred Luke whose address was Route 2, Cookeville?  Husband knew a Luke family, but doesn’t remember Fred. A google search gave no clues.

            Next, I used the services of the Tennessee State Library and Archives.  I filled out the online Microfilm Copy Order and mailed my request, with the required $5.00, for page 6 of the Nashville Banner May 14, 1946.  On the subject line, I listed the titles of surrounding articles.  Finally, we’d know what had been cut out of this paper.

            Two weeks later, I received an email including a pdf file.  I immediately looked at the bottom of the page and it was completely different from the page I held in my hand.  Thinking I’d been sent the wrong page, I checked the date of the microfilmed page: Tuesday, May 14, 1946.  So, I took pictures of the page we have and sent it.  I asked if there might be a page that matched in a different edition on file.

            I received a long letter of explanation from the assistant director for reference services of the state library.  He had looked through microfilm for that date, and others, for pictures and articles that matched those on our page and found nothing.  He explained that it was common for a newspaper, at that time, to print early and late editions and some content was printed aimed at specific communities, not appearing in all editions. He only has one afternoon edition on file.            

What was this missing article?  Why did Ann save this paper?  Did Fred Luke, whoever he is, cut out the article?  Maybe you can provide clues.  As much as I love a good mystery, even more, I love a mystery solved.

The Family Archivist

Last week, when I wrote about reading newspapers, I thought that was my only column about newspapers.  But then Husband brought home two cardboard boxes stuffed with papers from his mother’s home. 

            My mother-in-law, Ann Ray who passed away recently, saved documents from and about those she loved.  She kept personal letters, all kinds of greeting cards, school programs, wedding invitations, birth announcements, and celebration of life programs. Among these are a few newspaper clippings, but it seems Ann often saved the entire paper when a picture or the name of someone she knew was printed. So, Husband and I have looked for those pictures and articles.

            We turned the pages of The Sparta Expositor and The Sparta Tennessean, both published in Ann’s hometown.  We looked through The Tennessean, the Nashville Banner, and local papers, The Citizen, the Herald-Citizen, and the Dispatch.  We searched editions of The Oracle, published by Tennessee Technological University during the years Ann’s children were students.  We saved editions of The Charger, the Putnam County Senior High School paper, to give to Husband’s brother who was the 1972-73 editor.  And we found the Christmas 1972 Cain-Sloan Co. catalogue, probably because Husband was the Rivergate store manager at that time.

            Going through these many papers, a stack almost four feet high, was a walk back in time.  I cut out my picture with the hostesses of my bridal shower given by Ann’s friends.  There are pictures and a long two-column article, including a description of the bride’s bouquet, about her niece’s wedding in 1970.  In a July 1972 issue of the Herald-Citizen, a picture of Husband’s grandparents and their children was published when they celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary.

            Husband and I relived his 1985 campaign for and election to the Cookeville City Council.  There are pictures of Son playing basketball and Daughter with her volleyball team when they were high school students in the 1990s.

             I became sidetracked by local ads and society news.  On August 15, 1967, Kroger advertised stewing hens for $0.29 a pound and watermelon for $0.69 each.  June 1971 Bob’s Shop for Men held a Semi-Annual Clearance sale offering short sleeve sport shirts for $4.50-7.50. In that same paper, McMurry-Roberson had a full-page ad featuring wedding dresses.  I read lists of admissions, dismissals, and births at Cookeville General Hospital.  A 1975 issue published a column entitled, “In and Around Cookeville” which included names of out-of-town overnight guests visiting their relatives.

            Husband and I cut out every article about and picture of someone we know, but after looking through many issues, we said, “Why did she save this?  You look through it.”  Some papers went to recycling intact.

            A paper I’ve turned through several times is the Nashville Banner, published May 14, 1946.  The one thing different about this paper is a section has been cut out – a small 1 ½ inch x 1 column clipping.  This paper might prompt a third column.  What was the missing article?  Is it saved somewhere?